I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
