Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
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Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize