I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
