You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize