Tell her she can't have a vagina
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
