I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
