I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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