Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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