He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
