I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
