It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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