Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the day after is always just damage control
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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