your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
