Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
