I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
