Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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