I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
