u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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