someone get that fucking seahorse.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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