barbara walters just said penis...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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