Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
