It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
