One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
