yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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