whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He felt like a one man threesome
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
