Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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