Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
