party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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