Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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