Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
MIDGETS
????
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
