I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
