Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
