Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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