You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
