I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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