Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
