i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
