It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
