How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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