wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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