My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
