Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
