Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
