you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
