the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Are we in a gay sports bar?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
