Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
