I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
