She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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