I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
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My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
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She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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