she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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