I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
