you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
