He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
