I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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