I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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