she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
