I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
