Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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