she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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