i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
