ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize