just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I puked a lego.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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