He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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