If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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