We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize