my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
