My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
