I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
