i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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