oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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