Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize