Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
