And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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