i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We need to get me chipped asap
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
