You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I deserve this hangover.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
