Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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