So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
