Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
