That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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