I'm laying in your front yard are you home
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
